What Death taught me about Life

In the past two months, three people I have been close to, have died. I watched as each one was consumed by cancer as it ravished their bodies.  It was not pretty yet I felt so honored and blessed that each felt comfort and peace in the moments we shared.

 We were all in the same support group at Gilda's Cub, a cancer support community. Our "Living with Cancer" group was a safe place to share our fears, our secret emotions, and anything we didn't feel safe talking about to "others: (ie. those who haven't had cancer). There was a bond between us all that consisted of no judgement, or "shoulds", just acceptance and love.

The days I spent with each were full of sadness but also with joy and laughter. Each one of these very special people taught me how to live by sharing their last living days with me. You find out what is important, and it's not money. Nobody at the end of life wishes they spent more time at the office.

• Live in the Present: Life is about living in the now, the present moment. I didn't know that my last conversation with each, would be my last one, yet we lived  and talked as if it would be. There wasn't talk about the future when it was known that their future was limited by days. Only the present existed and that made each moment precious and alive. Live now, it's all we have.
• It really is about Love: Our conversations often centered around love--the love they felt for their partners, their children, even their pets. As each faced death, they were not afraid for themselves but for their loved ones being left behind. No one wanted their passing to cause heartache and grief. When someone passes, we lose one person, but the person dying, loses everyone and not everyone is important. While each had many friends, they only wanted to be with those they loved. Learn to love. 
• Be Selfish: Each faced death in a different way but each in their own way. One had total acceptance, while another fought his cancer until his dying breath. One died at home with his partners arms around him, another in  a hospice bed in the middle of the night during sleep, and another in the afternoon after saying goodbye to a close friend. In the last days, it was all about them and what they wanted, whether it was conversation, quiet times, or ice cream. Each limited who they wanted to see and speak to. Each concentrated on what was important to them, they chose what would bring them joy or peace instead of doing something out of obligation. We waste so much of our time on things and people who don't bring joy, peace or happiness into our lives, be selfish with your time and invest in what what does bring joy, peace and happiness to you.
• Death is not to be feared: Nobody gets out of life alive. This transition to another realm is something we all will face at some time. There is NO choice in this matter. It was not death they feared but the physically pain from cancer. Luckily each had understanding doctors who had their pain controlled most of the time. It may have been the medication but one spoke of a beautiful forest with others waiting for her. It's not uncommon for those facing death to have one foot in this world and one foot in the next and it's always something beautiful. Death is the greatest experience of all, that is why they save it for last. 

I am still grieving for my friends. I miss each of them but I am comforted that I was able to tell each of them how much they meant to me and I know they will be waiting for me when I join them in this final journey.

Rare form of Pneumonia linked to e-cigarettes

Not a day goes by where this blog isn't spammed by an e-cigarette company. Whenever asked about e-cigarettes, I will tell the person to ask their doctor about the nicotine inhaler. It is a similar concept to the e-cigarette but with several important diffierences:

• Inhaler is regulated by the FDA, e-cigarettes are not regulated by anyone. A user is trusting that  the manufacturer is correctly stating what is contain in its product. There is no oversight.
• Inhaler has evidence based studies showing it's effectiveness in becoming smoke-free, e-cigarettes have no independent studies and cannot be advertised as a cessation devise.
• Inhaler has strict manufacturing standands, e-cigarettes have no manufacturing standards or guidelines. A defective battery exploded in one users face. 
• Inhaler has been proven to be safe. A prescription is required because of the risk of addiction due to the speed of delivery of the nicotine.

This last point is very important because the safety of e-cigarettes has not been established. Recently a rare form of pneumonia has been linked to the use of e-cigarettes due to the use of an oil based substance to create the vapor.

Exogenus lipoid pneumonia is very rare. It is usually seen in elderly patients who use mineral oil laxatives. The lipids (fats or oils) are inhaled into the lungs. Proplene gycol, glyercin and nicotine are the main ingredients, although other substances have been found in a small study done by the FDA. Glyercin is an oil-based substance which is inhaled into the lungs when using an e-cigarette, which appears to cause this rare form of pneumonia in some users. 

More research needs to be done but until then--it's buyer beware when using e-cigarettes. You don't want to end up like the guy in Florida who had part of his face blown off when the battery exploded (again, no manufacturing standards). 

The advantage to many people trying to quit is that the e-cigarette is shaped and feels like a cigarette in your hand. It may work great for that but it doesn't mean you  need to inhale it or turn it on. A prop works just as good or better yet, talk to your doctor about the nicotine inhaler. 

How do I stop cigarette smoking when my spouse refuses to give up using tobacco in the dwelling?

How do I stop cigarette smoking when my spouse refuses to give up using tobacco in 
the dwelling?

It certainly can be difficult to quit smoking when temptation is all around you  but it is possible. Until  now both of you have been able to smoke in the house and by asking your partner to change the rules of the house, could cause resentment. Your spouse has been happy with being able to smoke anywhere and now because you want to change your behavior, you're asking your partner to change as well. 

Change is hard even when you want to change but if someone else is demanding you change, resistant builds up. 

So the first step is how you approach your mate with your request for help. Clarify your reasons for wanting to be smoke-free. Is it for your health, for the health of your children, to save money? Once you have clarified why it is so important to you, then ask your spouse for their help in achieving your goal: 

"It's really important for me to quit smoking because.....(name your most important reasons).....and I need your help. I'm not asking you to quit smoking but I'm asking if you can help me quit. I am really tempted to smoke when you smoke around me, so I'm asking if you will help me by...... "

Then negotiate. Will your partner:

1. Not leave their cigarettes and ashtray around  the house?

2. Not smoke around you?

3. Only smoke in one room of the house?

If your partner refuses to change their smoking behavior in any way, you then must change the way you response. 

1. Leave the room when your spouse lights up. 

2. Resolve to not smoke even though temptation is sitting next to you but making your reason to become smoke-free, more important than the temporary benefit of lighting up. 

Will this be easy?--NO! But it can be done. Work with a Tobacco Treatment Specialist to develop a plan that includes avoiding temptation in your home. This may include combination medications to lessen your cravings and withdrawals and cognitive-behavioral therapy to change your reactions to being around a smoker. 

A more important question to ask yourself is-- why is your spouse not supporting you in something that is really important to you and may even want to sabotage you? Are there other areas in your life where your spouse is also not supporting you? This resistant to help you achieve your goal maybe an indication of a deeper problem within your relationship and counseling, either together or you alone may be needed to resolve this issue.